Following on from my last post about clothes, I was outside in my new shorts and a new top, looking fine, when I took a moment to take stock of the body underneath.
I noted the more muscular legs, the firmness of skin, the toning beginning to show in the arms, and just how much....better I moved around.
And then it occurred to me that I have worked hard to get to this point, damn hard and that I was proud of myself. And then I thought what my dad would say. I can hear his voice in my head, not compliment me on how I was looking, but the other positives he would have noted; I'm happier, more purposeful, more self assured and more confident I am about myself. The compliment about how I was looking would follow soon after.
But because the other voice I hear in my head is my mothers, from her I hear criticism about any tiny thing, and not be aware that I had worked so hard, slogged out hours in the gym and climbing Lofty, changed the type and amount of food I ate or the time away from my family. There would be no compliment, no question of how much weight, nothing. And I don't know the reason for her bitterness. Is it because I have done something she can't? Does she see how her life was misspent when it came to looking after herself? Does she lack the ability to be proud of who I am?
I honestly don't care. What she thinks doesn't matter. It's what I think that matters.
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